I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Ketchup is God's man juice
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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