Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
