I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
