You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
