Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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