I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
