Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
