he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
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I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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