so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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