I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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