Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
