JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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