New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
