My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
