Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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