I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
