I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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