i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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