As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
