I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
