I feel great
I just peed on a car
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
