I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
