tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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