this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
