her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
