I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
