You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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