I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
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Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
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My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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