so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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