What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
