Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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