What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so explain again why im purple
no
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
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