every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
