Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
