i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
