just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
