woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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