I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
