Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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