Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
