Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
is wine microwaveable?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
