Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
