My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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