she was so not down for the gang bang
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
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