is your mom at the bar?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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