; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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