i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
