Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
