Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
