the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize