It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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