i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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