i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
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I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
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She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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