is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
