when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
its not stalking. its research.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
