you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
