The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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