Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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