She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize