you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
