i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
